Dazed and Confused

May 1st, 2012 7:03 PM EST

Yesterday I turned on my t.v. and saw “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” was on, one of my favorite shows. Whenever I watch this show I seem to get some sort of lesson out of it. Whether it be a lesson about myself, about life or even how to deal with someone else. Pride Space is always on my mind so of course I always see things that pertain to that because they always go into stories about how they were bullied and hurt when they were younger and that pulles on my heart strings and makes me want to start this even sooner. At the end of every episode Ru Paul says, “If you can’t love yourself then how the hell are you going to love someone else?” This quote really makes me think a lot. I know that in my heart all I want to do is help people and make sure everyone is safe and sound. But in order to do this I need to take responsibility with my own emotions. These past few weeks has been a shipwreck. I’ve had fights with my parents, my best friend, and within my own head. I don’t  feel like getting into all the details on here but just know that right now my mind is in shambles.

The last blog I wrote was telling you all that I am going to talk to my two associates in this about trying to start this in Connecticut. I have talked to one of them and emailing the other one tonight. The reason why I’m looking at doing this is because my life is in Connecticut and it is easier for them to come down here then it is for me to get up there when they both have the day off. They both have jobs and a life so its hard to find a day that all three of us can get together and deal with rides. Another reason I want to start it down here is because I have been the one that has done the most with this project but just because I have the most time so that is not a problem but because I have the most time it would be easier for me to take care of it. One last reason to start it in Connecticut is because there are so many organizations in Mass and they are so accepting that I would like to see this help more people if I can. So I believe putting it in Connecticut for now would achieve that. I am hoping to get the paperwork started for Connecticut within the next few weeks. Once this one is started I would be more then willing to expand it to Massachusetts and beyond. I bought a book about starting non-profits and it has an awesome cd that has all the paperwork for each state to download and print. But like I have told you before with all the lawyer talk its hard to finish the papers. I will also have to start all of my research that I did for Mass again within Connecticut. If anyone has any information about any organizations within Connecticut please contact us at pridespaceinc(at)gmail(dot)com! I want to thank you all for sticking with me through all of my tough times. It really means a lot to have so much support with my dreams. I will never give up on this or on any of you! Love your life and follow your dreams no matter what is in your way. God puts road bumps in our way just to slow down and enjoy life; not to make us give up. I have tried so hard to believe this myself because of all the tough times I am having but it is so important to think positivly.

But remember,

Have faith in me,

Kat Wells

Short and Sweet

Apr 3rd, 2012 2:40 AM EST

So yet another month has gone by and I still feel lazy. This post will be up around my birthday (April 1^st!). I will be turning 21 and I am so excited! On the other hand, I feel like I am disappointing myself and everyone else because this blog is supposed to be for the production and upkeep of my safe house but lately nothing has been happening. It sucks! I have been getting some leads but not much. It hurts so much that there isn’t much I can do right now because I am still in Connecticut. I have been thinking a lot about potentially moving everything to Connecticut because that is where I am and it would go a lot faster and work a lot better but then there are so many feelings that I have to put into consideration. I love both of the girls that are on this journey with me and I want them to stay with me but I don’t know how they will take me even thinking about this. I understand they both have their life and I have mine but it’s just as hard for me to get up to MA as it is for them to get down here. However, we have had some great things happen for us! The fabulous author Cheryl Rainfield was wonderful enough to allow me to write a guest post on her blog! I will add the link below for you all to go and check out! She has been amazing to work with and she is also sending some books for our auction! Also, I was stumbling online and came upon this site called Marriage Is So Gay and I contacted them to see if they would be willing to help out. They are sending me three shirts from their line for me to auction off. I am so happy to be getting all this stuff to auction off and get all this money for a place to rent. The first thing I need to do (and I know you have heard this before) is get a P.O. Box and then get our paper work done as soon as I can. I don’t know what I can really do until I can raise the money for the P.O. Box. If you guys have any suggestions, then please contact me about them because I will use any help I can get.  I guess I am kinda having writer’s block but for my brain. Do any of you know what I’m talking about? I have so many things going on in my head, but then when I try to do them, there is always a wall right there in front of me so I can’t get them done. I made it my mission to start this thing because I want to help the world. So I am going to start it, no matter what. I guess I will just have to become some type of bulldozer because I am going to be tackling all of those walls so that people will have a place to go!

If you wanted to check out my guest blog on Cheryl Rainfields blog here is the link!

Slipping Off the Edge

Mar 5th, 2012 1:16 PM EST

So, normally I start these off with an awesome quote or some witty remark – this month just hasn’t been one of those months. I feel like this month has been a huge roller coaster of emotions for me, and not in the good way. I don’t know who, if anyone, reads my blog, but I am sure you all will be able to understand where I am coming from. Of course, there were great moments too, but it just seemed like every day there was something else I had to deal with. I think the biggest disappointment this month was the GLSEN trip I wanted to be a part of. They were having a conference in Washington D.C. that was all expenses paid and you got to go to this incredible conference about bullying and harassment and then talk to legislators. It sounded amazing! So as soon as I got the email, I sent in my application! All I could think about is how great this would be for me to kind of ‘train’ for my safe house and to get my name out there with a great project! I was checking my email literally every second, anxiously waiting for the decision about whether or not I had been accepted. Then about two or three days ago I got the email – I didn’t get accepted. I read the whole thing about 4 times to see if I was reading it right and then started bawling my eyes out. I really, really wanted to have this great opportunity. I told the important people in my life and of course they said it’s going to be okay and there will be plenty of  other opportunities, but I just had that feeling that I am already at the end of my rope and the one thing (other the my birthday trip I’m planning) I had been looking forward to was ripped away. Yeah, I know that I will get to do something else fantastic, but you guys should know the feeling of defeat.

I have made many mistakes within myself and with others during my life thus far. The things that had happened in my past were wrong. I used do some harmful things to myself, but within the past two or three years I have gotten past them and become a much stronger person from it. I stopped those actions a long time ago and I told myself to keep them in the past where they belong. Unfortunately, this past month has brought those feelings back. I am very proud to say that I still have not done anything with them, but those feelings are still there. First, my mother and I have had many problems. While I was growing up we only had each other during all the crap we were going through so we were very close, but lately things have changed and we are not nearly as close anymore. It hurts not to have my mom there for me and to give that ‘motherly’ advice that every daughter needs. Since our huge blowout fight, things have gotten better, but of course things cannot change overnight. The second thing this month was my fight with my Dad. Since my mom is the one that leaves every morning to go to work and dad stays home, naturally I am completely open and extremely close with him. A small thing happened and made him snap and we had a fight too. It was harder to deal with because of how close we were and I didn’t want to lose that. We have a little joke about how he is my ‘girl talk’ since I’m not that close with my mom. Of course, after grudges were talked through things got better, but it was so hard to be having such stressful fights with my parents of all people.

Another thing that has me so stressed is Pride Space. Some great things have happened, like another signed book (With Or Without You by Brian Farrey), a great YouTube video from Karen of OCDofbooks about us, a guest blog post on Cheryl Rainfield’s blog (she is also sending two signed books) and I have started all the paper work. Of course, part of my stress is trying to figure out all the weird language on the paperwork and trying to find funds for getting a p.o. box to put our paper work in and to get a place for it, but it’s taking a toll on me. This is my life goal and I will never ever give up on this, but sometimes I just need a break from things.  I have found only two different forms that we need to send in to legally become an organization but they are hard to understand and of course we still need to get a p.o. box for it to work. If anyone has any words of encouragement or any suggestions, please email me! I could use all the help I can get right now to get me out of this slump! I want to get this going for people because, yet again, I see articles about young people killing themselves for simply being who they are and it’s not right whatsoever! I just got finished reading the It Gets Better book by many different people, but edited by Dan Savage and Terry Miller. It is an amazing book! I wish there had been something like this when I was growing up because it might have saved me from doing some of the things I did. This is the exact reason the three of us are making this space – to have a place where anyone, any age, can be who they are without being judged or bullied! Everyone deserves to be happy!!

But remember (through all this stress)

Have faith in me!

Kat Wells