The Difference Between Deadlines and Due Dates

Jan 16th, 2012 2:18 PM EST

Hello All,

2012 has started out with a bang. First, my boyfriend has moved in with me to my beautiful new apartment in downtown LA. It’s been a long time coming and I’m so excited to share my life further with him. We decided to have our second first date on January 1 this year to celebrate a new life together. He took me to where he grew up in Palos Verdes and it was one of the most beautiful settings of my life. We went to the house he grew up in, the schools he attended, and we gazed out in the distance at the buildings touching the Los Angeles skyline where we live now.

Every time I want to write about Zander, I find myself lost for words on how to say how much I love him. I think the closest thing I’ve gotten to is the Beetles song ‘I Want To Hold Your Hand’. The Beetles got it right. It’s weird to think that I met him just 10 months ago – during filming of Breaking the Silence.

Speaking of Breaking the Silence…

There’s two things I want done: 1) to finish it 2) to make it perfect. But the former seems to be the most important at the moment. The deadlines that have been broken, pushed back, excused, etc. is sometimes infuriating. I guess my artistic mind justifies it for the quality of the film. “If we push back this, then it will be better” seems to be my mantra. But there’s a limit.

What’s stressful is now that I’m on my own (aka not in school and pushing to make my business successful), I have rent to pay. Money never seemed to be too much of an issue before I knew it had to be in someone else’s pocket by the first of each month. I woke up in the apartment next to Zander this morning before he did and was able to see him as the perfect man he is. For the record, when I mean perfect, I mean it by the way he makes me feel. I wake up to him every morning loving him just as much as, if not more than, the previous. I want to provide for him. I want to support him. I want to be successful for him so that the definition of “us” can be stable. I want to make our due date.

What do I sacrifice? I need a higher paying job right now so that when our monthly due date of rent comes up, I can put in my share with him. What’s scary is if I do that, Breaking the Silence is going to be pushed back…even further. But I guess it comes down to the difference between deadlines and due dates: one is for me and the other is for him. My decision is I need a higher paying job. As I write this blog post with a tear of stress rolling down my face and craigslist up in the background, I hear Zander studying his rap in the other room for his new full-time job to support us. I’ll finish this sentence and then go hold his hand as he held mine for the majority of the day today.

Our Story Continues Another Day,

Shea