Interview with Rostam Batmanglij
by Thomas Howard, Jr., Programs Director

T: Hi Rostam, how are you?

R: Doin’ good.

T: Good, good. Our conversation is going to go on the Foundation’s website for LGBT and Allied young people, MatthewsPlace.com.

R: Great.

T: Our goal behind Matthew’s Place is to create a spot where young people can gain skills and resources to lead healthy, productive, hate free lives, which is our mission as an organization.

R: Cool.

T: We really try to focus on the power of people telling their own stories as a way for a young person, who might not think there’s anyone else like them, to see themselves reflected in someone else. So, if I ask you something that you don’t want to answer that’s perfectly fine. So, I wanted to start with, if you’re comfortable talking about it, when you came to the realization that you were different?

R: Well, I think at a pretty young age. I remember being on the school bus and hearing this word that I thought was “biosexual” (laughs). Um, B-I-O. I don’t know, I guess I always thought that was an interesting word and it appealed to me (laughs). I guess, in high school, maybe I considered myself “open,” and I told a couple friends that I wasn’t, ya know, I wasn’t really pursuing anything. I wasn’t really putting myself in a position to pursue anything, I guess. I went to a high school where everyone knew each other for a really long time. So, it made it quite difficult to be yourself after a while, because there was just so much history there.  So then in college, at some point I realized that I was gay, and I was comfortable with saying that. It was only after college that I decided that I wanted to tell my parents, because it wasn’t something that I had told my parents.

T: And how did that go?

R: Honestly, it didn’t go well initially. I think it didn’t go terribly, but I think my parents were surprised. And that surprise led them to acting, or being, somewhat confused. I think the surprise probably came out of the fact that I hadn’t talked very much about how I felt until that moment. I was very guarded. But then over the years, this is about four years ago now, my parents have become totally supportive. They really understand me. I think when it came time to come out publicly, you know, [to] talk about being gay in the press, about the band, initially they didn’t really understand that either. But once I kind of explained what I was doing, and why I was doing it, they — I guess I would say that there was certainly an evolution. And, that evolution has helped us be more communicative.

T: I spend a lot of time traveling around the country talking to high school and college students, and one of the questions I get particularly from young people who are trying to figure out how to address the issue with their family, is “How do I educate my parents?” Did you see yourself as having a responsibility to educate your parents? Or no?

R: Yes, I definitely think so. One thing that separates most all parents is that they come from a different generation. And, with my parents, that’s compounded with the fact that they also spent a lot of time in Iran. So, they came from literally a different world. And there were some things that they were very educated on, and other things that they just — it had never really come upon them. I think that once parents become more educated that, for example, that it’s not about choosing, you’re not choosing your life, you just ARE, you know. Your sexuality over the course of adolescence is something that you discover about yourself. I think that once my parents understood that better, some of the things that they had thought that were unfounded or incorrect — those viewpoints faded away.

T: Were they apprehensive about taking this public stance?

R: Well, I think that they didn’t understand why I felt it was necessary. I think today if you’re a musician, or a writer, or an actor, if you do those things and you don’t want to speak about your sexuality, I think nowadays for the most part, you don’t have to. But I felt like I did have to. I felt like everyone’s different and I don’t judge anyone who makes decisions that are different from mine. But, in terms of who I am, I felt like it was something that was important to me, at this stage in my life.

T: Sometimes we, as individuals, might get caught in a bubble and think, “Well why does someone else need to know about me?” But I can tell you that you are a name that comes up quite frequently when I’m talking to high school and college students.

R: Wow.

T: So, it is important for young people to see themselves reflected in someone that they see on TV and in magazines, and go to concerts. So, while I understand the importance of sort of maintaining your own privacy, there’s also this huge bit of goodness that’s done by someone being honest about who they are. Because, “if they can be honest about who they are, then I can be honest about who I am.” I have to say thank you for that because it is making a difference.

R: I would even say, with regards to parents, the sooner that you come out, the better. I just got to a point where I literally called my mom on the phone and said, “Mom, I’m gay.” I think that the sooner that you break down that initial wall, and you begin communicating — I just think that a lot of people … some things that might seem obvious to them, they just don’t share. Or, I could speak for myself. That’s how I was. And, once you start sharing, then that’s when things start to get better and better. And eventually they come to a point where, I can say that my parents are totally supportive of me.

T: Well, one of the other things that sort of challenges the situation is when you also throw in cultural norms.

R: Yeah.

T: So, I’m curious about coming from a culture, or your parents coming from a background, where in some cases being gay or lesbian is punishable by death. How do you navigate those waters of cultural norms that have been a part of some places for centuries?

R: Well, I think that, to speak specifically about my parents, my parents both had pretty hybridized upbringings. My dad went to boarding school from age nine in England, and my mom, she grew up in Iran. But, both my parents separately came to America in the late 1960s for college. And then they came back. In fact, the reason my parents left Iran was because they didn’t agree with the direction of the country, where it was going. For them, it was important to be in a place that was actually more accepting. So, my parents, they kind of rebelled against, or they disagreed with, those things from a long time ago. In fact, their whole families — I think they both came from families that were more liberal than what the laws became in Iran. I think that with time, things do change, and people’s opinions can change, and people’s minds can change. I think that I’ve witnessed that in my life. Friends that I have that are younger, I notice that their experiences with homophobia are different than mine. I think that has to do with, like, a culture shift.

T: You’re in an industry that, well, it’s rock music; and historically it’s had very masculine ideals. Was there any trepidation from you about how the music community you were a part of was going to respond when you made this public gesture.

R: Um, no, not really. I mean, if you look at rap or R&B, I think nowadays that’s a much more intolerant community. I think I figured, as much as any community, there would be some people that might be close-minded.

T: One of the things that excites me is to see kids that will come up to me and tell me about their coming-out stories and then they’ll say, “People really didn’t care. I wanted them to respond, and they didn’t respond, they were just like, well, OK.” So, I think that’s sort of a sign of progress that people are responding, “Oh well, OK, you know. It doesn’t really matter to me.” So, what do you hope young people who listen to your music take away from it?

R: Um, to be honest I think most young people, obviously there’s exceptions, but I think young people are some of the most open-minded people in America today. I think that that battle was largely won. The battle that is more of an issue is older people, and in America, people in positions of power.

T: And how do we fight that?

R: I try to do it by just being myself. I’m always up to try anything, but I think just hopefully being myself and talking about who I am, my experience — I think that that’s the most effective way.

T: Vampire Weekend has sort of put this unique twist on rock music. How would you say you were able to make such a bold choice in how you all were going to define yourselves as a band, and still rise to success quite quickly. Does that make sense or no?

R: (laughs) Yeah, that makes sense. I think our music is a reflection of the things we were interested in, and we just tried to express those things in our songs. One of the things we are interested in is pop music, and I think that gives us kind of a window into making music that appeals to people who like pop music. But then it also allows us to take things from African music and classical music, and involve them in our pop music.

T: So what’s the future looking like for you all? I know it looks like you’re touring incessantly, but any projects you’re working on that you’re excited about?

R: I’m always working on projects that I’m excited about. I don’t want to talk about them until they’re finished though. But, I’m definitely working on projects I’m excited about. I think, you know, certainly I plan on doing things that are connected to LGBTQ awareness, and fundraising in that department. I certainly see that on the horizon, and I’m just kind of planning some things right now.

T: Thanks again for sharing some time.

R: Yeah, awesome, of course.

T: Well, thank you very much, and safe travels. You are going international soon, aren’t you?

R: Yes. Thank you, Thomas.

T: Yup, safe travels and I’ll speak to you in the future.

R: OK. Look forward to it.

T: Bye Rostam.

R: Bye.